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The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where v.2

The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities.
Given by the whole visual are the yearly average cost of office rentals and the vacancy rates in five cities in the year of 2008 and 2013 which are demonstrated by the bar chart and the table respectively. In the brief, observation, while the annual rent measured by area showed the upward trend, the office vacancy rates shrunk as opposite. First of all, it is apparent that four cities, namely A, B, C and E, raised the prices in the unit of USD per square metre paid for office rent up to one year in 2013 compared to 2008. One clear illustration is city B which marked the increase from under 1500 USD to more than 200 USD per year and occupied the first place from city A in 2013. Except for the similarity, can be seen in city D is that its cost witnessed a mild decline at the same period. Turning to the figure given by the table, in spite of having expansion in the annual rental fee, the percentage of unused workplace in city A, B, C, E still slid gradually from 2008 to 2014. For instance, spare office rates declined by 2% in A with the beginning point of 6 percent and the B accounted for a mere number of 2% in 2008. Still apart from the rest, the leftover office rates in the city D not only had the contrast direction but also grew about twice as much as the one of 2008. The combination of the bar chart and the table makes the comparison of office rental situation in five aforementioned cities between 2008 and 2013 through the annual cost and the vacancy rates, and indicates the opposite relationship of these criteria.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
by the whole visual are the yearly average cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
rentals and the vacancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the year of 2008 and 2013 which
are demonstrated
by the bar chart and the table
respectively
. In the brief, observation, while the annual rent measured by area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the upward trend, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
vacancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
shrunk as opposite.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is apparent that four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
namely
A, B, C and E, raised the prices in the unit of USD per square
Possible spelling mistake. 'metre' is British English.
metre
paid for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
rent up to one year in 2013 compared to 2008. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
illustration is city B which marked the increase from under 1500 USD to more than 200 USD per year and occupied the
first
place from city A in 2013.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
the similarity, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in city D is that its cost witnessed a mild decline at the same period.

Turning to the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the table,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
having expansion in the annual rental fee, the percentage of unused workplace in city A, B, C, E
still
slid
gradually
from 2008 to 2014.
For instance
, spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
declined by 2% in A with the beginning point of 6 percent and the B accounted for a mere number of 2% in 2008.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
apart from the rest, the leftover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in the city D not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had the contrast direction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
grew about twice as much as the one of 2008.

The combination of the bar chart and the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the comparison of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
rental situation in five aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
between 2008 and 2013 through the annual cost and the vacancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, and indicates the opposite relationship of these criteria.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS academic The chart shows annual office rents in five international cities in 2008 and 2013 ($US/ square metre). The table shows office vacancy rates in those cities.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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