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The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. v.2

The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. v. 2
The given graph compares the number of international tourists in 5 different countries from 1995 to 2010. Generally speaking, the USA had the highest number of international tourists among these countries, and the number of tourists who visited France during this period increased rapidly. So, France as a tourist destination become more popular over time. Initially, in 1995, more than 70 million international tourists travelled the USA while just above 30 million tourists travelled to France. Brazil and Egypt had less than 10 million tourists this year compared to the just above 20 million tourists in Malaysia. Over the period, the total tourists visited these 5 countries increased with some slight fluctuations. In 2005, tourists to the USA reached 90 million which was the highest among these countries. In this year, international tourists' number in France was about 65 million which was a sharp increase compared to its previous international tourists’ number. In Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt, tourists' number increased but did not exceed 40 million. Finally, in 2010, international tourists' number in the USA and France intersected at about 90 million. Compared to the previous years, France gained the highest ratio of international tourists. This number also increased in Malaysia and reached over 45 million which is almost double compared to the data in 1995. Brazil and Egypt had the least number of international tourists among the given five countries, and in 2010, they both had around 25 million international tourists.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph compares the
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number
of
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international
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tourists
in 5
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different
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countries
from 1995 to 2010.

Generally
speaking, the USA had the highest
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number
of
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international
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tourists
among these
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countries
, and the
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number
of
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tourists
who visited France during this period
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increased
rapidly
.
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So
, France as a
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tourist
destination become more popular over time.

Initially
, in 1995, more than 70
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million
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international
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tourists
travelled the USA while
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just
above 30
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million
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tourists
travelled to France. Brazil and Egypt had less than 10
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million
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tourists
this year compared to the
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just
above 20
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million
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tourists
in Malaysia. Over the period, the total
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tourists
visited these 5
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countries
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increased
with
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some
slight fluctuations.

In 2005,
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tourists
to the USA reached 90
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million
which was the highest among these
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countries
. In this year,
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international
tourists'
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number
in France was about 65
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million
which was a sharp increase compared to its previous
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international
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tourists’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt, tourists'
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number
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increased
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but
did not exceed 40
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million
.
Finally
, in 2010,
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international
tourists'
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number
in the USA and France intersected at about 90
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million
. Compared to the previous years, France gained the highest ratio of
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international
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tourists
. This
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number
also
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increased
in Malaysia and reached over 45
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million
which is almost double compared to the data in 1995. Brazil and Egypt had the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
five
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countries
, and in 2010, they both had around 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about international tourist arrivals in five countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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