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The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. v.6

The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. v. 6
The bar chart gives information about the male and female tutors' ratio in six distinct types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010. Overall, female teachers were greater in number than the male teachers in junior levels of educational institutes. However, in higher education level, there were more male teachers than that of women teachers. In private training institutes, colleges and secondary schools, the ratio of teachers from both genders were quite similar. According to the given illustration, there was a significant dissimilarity between the number of men and women educators in Nursery/Pre-school levels as well as primary schools. There were almost 98% and 96% female teachers in these two levels which show that the dominance of female teachers in early education level. In the case of colleges, there was 50 percent male teachers and 50 percent of female teachers which show the equal number of teachers from both genders. In secondary level, the ratio of male teachers (about 47%) was slightly higher than that of female teachers (about 43%). Female teachers' ration in private training institutes was higher than that of male teachers - about 47% female teachers against 43% male teachers. The male teachers in secondary schools were correlative to the female teachers of  the private training institutions. In University level, there were 40% more male teachers than the women teachers.
The bar chart gives information about the male and
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female
tutors' ratio in six distinct types of educational institutions in the UK in 2010.

Overall
,
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female
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teachers
were
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
greater in number
than the male
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teachers
in junior
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levels
of educational institutes.
However
, in higher education
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level
, there were more male
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teachers
than that of women
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teachers
. In private training institutes, colleges and secondary schools, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
from both genders were quite similar.

According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, there was a significant dissimilarity between the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women educators in Nursery/
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Pre-school
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levels
as well
as primary schools. There were almost 98% and 96%
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female
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teachers
in these two
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levels
which
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show
that the dominance of
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female
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teachers
in early education level.

In the case of colleges, there was 50 percent male
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teachers
and 50 percent of
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female
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teachers
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the equal number of
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teachers
from both genders. In secondary
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level
, the ratio of male
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teachers
(about 47%) was
slightly
higher than that of
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female
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teachers
(about 43%).
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Female
teachers' ration in private training institutes was higher than that of male
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teachers
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
about 47%
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female
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teachers
against 43% male
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teachers
. The male
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teachers
in secondary schools were correlative to the
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female
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teachers
of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the private training institutions. In University
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level
, there were 40% more male
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teachers
than the women
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teachers
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010. v. 6

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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