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The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA. v.2

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA. v. 2
The given chart shows data on the number of the US people who suffer from heart attack dividing them into three age groups. As is observed from the given information, men have more heart attack rates than female and both men and women over 65 years old are prone to heart attack than younger age groups. Men have more heart attach rates than women in all age groups. Firstly, 123 thousand men suffer from heart attacks compared to the 3 thousand female who fall under the 29 to 44 age group. Again, among the 45 to 64 years group, more than 400 thousand men have had heart attacks and this number is almost three times higher than the rate among female of this age group. Finally, US people over 65 years old suffer from heart attacks more than other two age groups and that exceeds 300 thousand for female and 400 thousand for men. Women in 65+ age group suffer from heart attacks significantly more than other age groups. In conclusion, more American men suffer from heart attacks than women and this rate is higher among the people over 65 years old.
The
given
chart
shows
data on the number of the US
people
who
suffer
from
heart
attack
dividing them into three
age
groups
. As
is observed
from the
given
information,
men
have more
heart
attack
rates
than
female
and both
men
and
women
over 65 years
old
are prone to
heart
attack
than younger
age
groups.

Men
have more
heart
attach
rates
than
women
in all
age
groups
.
Firstly
, 123 thousand
men
suffer
from
heart
attacks
compared to the 3 thousand
female
who fall under the 29 to 44
age
group
. Again, among the 45 to 64 years
group
, more than 400 thousand
men
have had
heart
attacks
and this number is almost three times higher than the
rate
among
female
of this
age
group
.
Finally
, US
people
over 65 years
old
suffer
from
heart
attacks
more than other two
age
groups
and that exceeds 300 thousand for
female
and 400 thousand for
men
.
Women
in 65+
age
group
suffer
from
heart
attacks
significantly
more than other
age
groups.

In conclusion
, more American
men
suffer
from
heart
attacks
than
women
and this
rate
is higher among the
people
over 65 years
old
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
55Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Ages and Genders in the USA. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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