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The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v.2

The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v. 2
The line graph illustrates data on the number of landline subscribers and cell phone in Africa, from 1995 to 2004. As it is observed from the graph, the landline and cellphone subscribers both had an upward trend. It is also noticeable that the amount of people who subscribed to mobile phones exceeded the figure for landline in 2006. In 1994, Africans subscribers for fixed telephone was at 1. 7, compared to just only 0. 06 for cell phones. Over the following six years, the people who subscribed to mobile phone significantly increase to 2, while the figure for landline fluctuated to 2. 2. In the year 2001, the amount of subscribers for both types of phone services was just 2. 6 on each. By 2004, the number of people who subscribed to cellphone rose to the peak at 8. 8, which was almost three times as much as the figure for landline subscribers at 3. 3.
The line graph illustrates data on the number of landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
and cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in Africa, from 1995 to 2004.

As it
is observed
from the graph, the landline and cellphone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
both had an upward trend. It is
also
noticeable that the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who subscribed to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
exceeded the figure for landline in 2006.

In 1994, Africans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
telephone was at 1. 7, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
0. 06 for cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Over the following six years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who subscribed to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
significantly
increase to 2, while the figure for landline fluctuated to 2. 2.

In the year 2001, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
for both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
services was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2. 6 on each. By 2004, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who subscribed to cellphone rose to the peak at 8. 8, which was almost three times as much as the figure for landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subscribers
at 3. 3.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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