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The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v.2

The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v. 2
The bar chart illustrates the information about how pupils in three different levels of education (primary, secondary and tertiary) in the UK spend their leisure time. Overall, it is evident that majority of students spend 5 hours or more of their spare times in a week to watch television, and just a small number of them use this time to participate in extracurricular activities. Approximately 50 of senior high school student use their leisure time on three activities namely watching TV, doing homework and taking a part-time job, and just below 40 of them have extracurricular activities and browsing the internet. A large number of senior high school pupils (60 students) spend their free time watching TV, followed by doing their assignment and browsing the internet at a similar figure (40 students). Meanwhile, lower than 35 them participating in extracurricular activities and taking a job. 5 hours or more a week is used by 60 primary school students to watch TV, and around 40 students involve in extra-curricular activity and browsing the internet. just below 30 pupils prepare their school assignment and none of them is reported having a part-time job.
The bar chart illustrates the information about how pupils in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels of education (primary, secondary and tertiary) in the UK spend their leisure time.

Overall
, it is evident that majority of
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students
spend 5 hours or more of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in a week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
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small
number of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
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time
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
activities.

Approximately 50 of senior high
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school
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their leisure
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time
on three
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activities
namely
watching TV, doing homework and taking a part-time job, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 40 of them have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and browsing the internet.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
senior high
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school
pupils (60
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students)
spend their free
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time
watching TV, followed by doing their assignment and browsing the internet at a similar figure (40
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students)
. Meanwhile, lower than 35 them participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and taking a job.

5 hours or more a week is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 60 primary
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school
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students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV, and around 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and browsing the internet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
just
below 30 pupils prepare their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
assignment and none of them
is reported
having a part-time job.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The chart below shows how primary secondary and tertiary students in Britain spend their free time v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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