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The chart below shows how frequency people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v.2

The chart below shows how frequency people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v. 2
The bar graph illustrates how often the American citizens went to fast food stores over a period of 10 years between 2003 and 2013. Overall, it is clear that most people consumed fast food once a week and once or twice a month over the period surveyed; whereas just a small number of the population had fast food every day. The percentage of citizens eating fast food daily was only below 5% over the time shown. Then, it was followed by the proportion of those who did not eat fast food, at 5% in 2005 and nearly 4. 5% in both 2010 and 2013. The figure of people just ate fast food a few times a year was followed by that of those consumed several times per year, at around 12. 5% to 15% and 16% to 20% respectively. Meanwhile, the percentage of people who ate fast food once a week in 2016 was as high as the figure for those consuming the food once or twice a month in 2003, at nearly 36%.
The bar graph illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the American citizens went to
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stores over a period of 10 years between 2003 and 2013.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consumed
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
a week and
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once
or twice a month over the period surveyed; whereas
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just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of the population had
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
every day.

The percentage of citizens eating
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fast
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food
daily was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
below 5% over the time shown. Then, it
was followed
by the proportion of those who did not eat
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fast
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food
, at 5% in 2005 and
nearly
4. 5% in both 2010 and 2013. The figure of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
a few times a year
was followed
by that of those consumed several times per year, at around 12. 5% to 15% and 16% to 20%
respectively
.

Meanwhile, the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
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ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
a week in 2016 was as high as the figure for those consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
or twice a month in 2003, at
nearly
36%.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic The chart below shows how frequency people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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