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The chart below gives information about billions of euros invested in four areas by various organisations v.2

The chart below gives information about billions of euros invested in four areas by various organisations v. 2
The bar graph illustrates the investment on 4 business sectors in five different organizations in Billions of euros. In general Organization A, B and C shows the highest investment while organization D and E shows the lowest. On the contrary, Organization B shows the highest investment which is more than 1. 8 Billion on Staff training and 1. 6 Billion on Research while Organization A saves about 1. 5 billion on Building which is higher than the Organisation B. in addition Organisation A investing 1. 2 Billion on staff training that makes it the second highest, comparing to other organizations. Organisation C saves 1. 3 billion euros on machinery and reaserch, although it invest less on Building and staff training. Organisation C, D and E invested similar amount on Building which is 1 Billion euros and organization B and D invested less than that amount on machinery and also similar to each other. In the contrast Organisation D and E are the least invested on all 4 sectors.
The bar graph illustrates the investment on 4 business sectors in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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organizations
in
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Billions
of euros.

In general
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Organization
A, B and C
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the highest investment while
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organization
D and E
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the lowest.

On the contrary
,
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Organization
B
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the highest investment which is more than 1. 8
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Billion
on Staff training and 1. 6
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Billion
on Research while
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Organization
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "A safe", "A save" or simply "saves"?
A saves
about 1. 5
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billion
on Building which is higher than the
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
Organisation
B.
in addition
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
Organisation
A investing 1. 2
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Billion
on staff training that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it the second highest, comparing to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
Organisation
C saves 1. 3
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billion
euros on machinery and
Possible spelling mistake found.
reaserch
, although it
Did you mean "invests"?
invest
less on Building and staff training.
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
Organisation
C, D and E invested similar amount on Building which is 1
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Billion
euros and
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organization
B and D invested less than that amount on machinery and
also
similar to each other. In the contrast
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
Organisation
D and E are the least invested on all 4 sectors.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below gives information about billions of euros invested in four areas by various organisations v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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