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The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v.2

The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v. 2
The bar graph compares the deviations in sales of four different book genres for a decade, from 2002 to 2012. Overall, the sales of three given categories - history, entertainment and art books showed a rising trend except for hobby related books while the demand for history books was the highest. In particular, history books were the biggest sellers with a sale volume of around 4500 copies in 2002. This publication made the highest selling record in 2008 with ten thousand sales and then in subsequent years witnessed a slight drop. In 2012, over 9000 history books were sold. The sales of art and entertainment books in 2002 were around 2 thousand copies, approximately half of the history book sales and showed an overall progress in the following years. Approximately 3000 copies of each of these two genres were sold in 2008 which was relatively higher than the previous year's sales. Finally, in 2012 the demand for art books increased to 4000 while the former one was sale volume stood at nearly 3000. On the contrary, hobbies book category recorded the least sale, remained between 500 to 700 in the given period.
The bar graph compares the deviations in
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sales
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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book
genres for a decade, from 2002 to 2012.

Overall
, the
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sales
of three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
categories
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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history
, entertainment and art
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books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a rising trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
hobby related
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books
while the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
was the highest.

In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were the biggest sellers with a
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sale
volume of around 4500 copies in 2002. This publication made the highest selling record in 2008 with ten thousand
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sales
and then in subsequent years witnessed a slight drop. In 2012, over 9000
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history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were sold
.

The
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sales
of art and entertainment
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books
in 2002 were around 2 thousand copies, approximately half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an
overall
progress in the following years. Approximately 3000 copies of each of these two genres
were sold
in 2008 which was
relatively
higher than the previous year's
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sales
.
Finally
, in 2012 the demand for art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
increased to 4000 while the former one was
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sale
volume stood at
nearly
3000.
On the contrary
, hobbies
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book
category recorded the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
, remained
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 500 and 700".
between 500 to 700
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the changes in sales of four different types of books from 2002 to 2012. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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