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The bar chart depicts regular physical activity done by Australian men and women of various age groups in 2010. v.2

The bar chart depicts regular physical activity done by Australian men and women of various age groups in 2010. v. 2
The bar chart depicts regular physical activity done by Australian men and women of various age groups in 2010. According to the bar chart, more than 50% male of age group 15-24 exercise regularly. Male age group 35-44 observe least amount of physical activity. More than 50% of women in the ages between 45-54 exercise on a day-to-day basis. The least percentage of women exercising regularly falls in 25-34 age group with approximately 42%. Firstly, in every age group, more than 45% women exercise regularly. Age groups 35-44, 45-54 and 55-64 have over 50% of women exercising on a daily basis, with 53. 3% in ages 45-54 being the maximum. More percentage of women are seen to be physically exercising than men in every age group with the exception of ages 15 to 24 in which 47. 7% of women exercise compared to 52. 8% male in the same category. Secondly, except 15-24 age group, all male age groups have average percentage of less than 50%. The least percent of male exercising is 39. 5% in age group 35-44. Highest percent, as discussed, is 52. 8% in ages 15-24. Approximately same percentage of Australian men and women exercise regularly from the age of 65, 46. 7 % men and 47. 1% women. To summarize, a common trend of more percentage of Australian females are exercising regularly than Australian men. The exception to this trend is observed in the age group of 15-24. In every category, more than 45% of females exercise whereas the percentage of men is generally below 50. Approximately the same percentage of men and women exercise at the age 65 and above.
The bar chart depicts regular physical activity done by Australian
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men
and
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women
of various
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age
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groups
in 2010. According to the bar chart, more than 50% male of
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
15-24
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exercise
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regularly
. Male
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age
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group
35-44 observe
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount of physical activity. More than 50% of
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women
in the
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ages
between 45-54
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exercise
on a day-to-day basis. The least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
falls in 25-34
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
with approximately 42%.

Firstly
, in every
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age
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group
, more than 45%
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
.
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Age
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groups
35-44, 45-54 and 55-64 have over 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
on a daily basis, with 53. 3% in
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ages
45-54 being the maximum. More
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percentage
of
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women
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be
physically
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exercising
than
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men
in every
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age
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group
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
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ages
15 to 24 in which 47. 7% of
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women
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exercise
compared to 52. 8% male in the same category.

Secondly
, except 15-24
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age
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group
, all male
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age
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groups
have average
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percentage
of less than 50%. The least percent of male
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exercising
is 39. 5% in
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
35-44.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Highest".
Highest
percent, as discussed, is 52. 8% in
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ages
15-24. Approximately same
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percentage
of Australian
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men
and
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women
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exercise
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regularly
from the
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age
of 65, 46. 7 %
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men
and 47. 1% women.

To summarize
, a common trend of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Australian females are
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exercising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regularly
than Australian
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men
. The exception to this trend
is observed
in the
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 15-24. In every category, more than 45% of females
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exercise
whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is
generally
below 50. Approximately the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65 and above.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
68Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The bar chart depicts regular physical activity done by Australian men and women of various age groups in 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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