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The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v.2

The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v. 2
The bar chart shows the number of students in thousand who chose to study different University subject in 2005. The number for each subject are divided into male and female students. In general terms, there was different between men' s and women' s choice of subjects. As can be seen from the bar chart show that Sciences and Mathematics were the most popular subjects for boy students ( about 20. 000 students and 18. 000 students respectively) in 2005 but it was not more popular with girl students. In contrast, almost no men ( only about two thousand students) chose to study languages and very few men chose to the arts ( nearly three thousand students). On the other hand, the most popular subjects for female students were less technical such as social sciences, languages and Literature. Social sciences was by far the most popular subject for women ( nearly 25. 000 students). However, very few female students chose to study mathenatics and law ( 4. 000 students and 5. 000 students respectively). Nevertheless, just as many men as women chose to study humanitics.
The bar chart
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shows
the number of
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students
in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
who
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chose
to
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study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
University
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subject
in 2005. The number for each
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subject
are divided
into male and female students.

In general
terms, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between
Possible spelling mistake found.
men&
#039; s and
Possible spelling mistake found.
women&
#039; s choice of subjects.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that Sciences and Mathematics were the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for boy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
about 20. 000
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students
and 18. 000
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students
respectively
) in 2005
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but
it was not more
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popular
with girl
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students
.
In contrast
, almost no
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men
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about two thousand
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students)
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chose
to
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study
languages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
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men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chose
to the arts
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
nearly
three thousand students).

On the other hand
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were less technical such as social sciences, languages and Literature. Social sciences was by far the most
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popular
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subject
for women
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
nearly
25. 000
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students)
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few female
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chose
to
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study
Possible spelling mistake found.
mathenatics
and law
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
4. 000
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students
and 5. 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
respectively
).
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as women
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chose
to
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study
Possible spelling mistake found.
humanitics
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the number of students who choose certain university subjects in 2005. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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