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The average prices per kilometre of clothing imported into the European Union from six different countries in 1993 and 2003 are shown in the bar chart below. v.2

The average prices per kilometre of clothing imported into the European Union from six different countries in 1993 and 2003 are shown in the bar chart below. v. 2
The bar graph shows average price the European Union (EU) spent for per kilometre clothing import from six different years in 1993 and 2003. It is obvious that the EU paid the highest amount for each kilometre costume to Argentina. According to the illustration, the EU spent the highest amount for clothing import from Argentina which was approximately 28 pounds per kilometre in 1993. This rate was significantly higher; almost 9 times higher than the rate it gave to Bangladesh. The second and third highest rates were given to Brazil and Japan, roughly 23 and 15 pounds respectively. China and India got less than that and their rate was higher than the import rate from Bangladesh. The latter received only around 3 pound per kilo which was almost three times less than the rate paid to Japan. The rate went higher in 2003 for China, India and Bangladesh who were the least paid countries in a decade earlier. The price for costume import from Brazil remained unchanged while slightly declined for Argentina and Japan. Despite the price changes, Argentina and Brazil were still highly paid than that of India and Bangladesh while China’s price went as high as 17 pounds, almost double than that of 1993’s rate.
The bar graph
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shows
average
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price
the European Union (EU) spent for per
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kilometre
clothing
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import
from six
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different
years in 1993 and 2003. It is obvious that the EU
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paid
the highest amount for each
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometre' is British English.
kilometre
costume to Argentina.

According to the illustration, the EU spent the highest amount for clothing
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import
from Argentina which was approximately
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28 pounds
per
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometre' is British English.
kilometre
in 1993. This
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rate
was
significantly
higher; almost 9 times higher than the
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rate
it gave to Bangladesh. The second and third highest
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rates
were
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given
to Brazil and Japan, roughly 23 and
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15 pounds
respectively
. China and India
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got
less than that and their
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rate
was higher than the
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import
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rate
from Bangladesh. The latter received
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only
around
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3 pound
per kilo which was almost three times less than the
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rate
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paid
to Japan.

The
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rate
went higher in 2003 for China, India and Bangladesh who were the least
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paid
countries in a decade earlier.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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price
for costume
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import
from Brazil remained unchanged while
slightly
declined for Argentina and Japan. Despite the
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price
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changes
, Argentina and Brazil were
still
highly
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paid
than that of India and Bangladesh while China’s
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price
went as high as
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17 pounds
, almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than that of 1993’s
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rate
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic The average prices per kilometre of clothing imported into the European Union from six different countries in 1993 and 2003 are shown in the bar chart below. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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