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The bar charts below show the average of annual working hours and the average duration of holidays in five European countries. v.1

The bar charts below show the average of annual working hours and the average duration of holidays in five European countries. v. 1
The line graphs compare the typical duration of office hours and holidays in a year for the working class people in five European countries, namely- France, UK, Finland, Germany and Switzerland. Overall, German employees have the longest working hours in a year but they enjoy the least duration of leaves and a reverse scenario could be observed in Switzerland. According to the illustration, A German works for around 1900 hours in a year on an average and this working hour is higher than that of the remaining four European countries. Despite the highest working hours, Germans have the least hours as holidays which is 120. Swiss employees enjoy the highest duration of off from works which accounts for roughly 175 hours a year despite their least duration of works in offices, 1200 hours annually. English and Finnish employees work for around 1600 hours annually and they enjoy roughly 140 hours’ free time off from work. Finally, employees in France spend 1500 hours in workplaces and have more than 150 hours’ holidays. French employees have approximately a ratio of 10: 1 working hours and holiday duration but this ratio is almost 19: 1. 2 in Germany and 12: 1. 75 in Switzerland.
The line graphs compare the typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
of office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
for the
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working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in five European countries,
namely
- France, UK, Finland, Germany and Switzerland.
Overall
, German
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employees
have the longest
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they enjoy the least
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duration
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and a reverse scenario could
be observed
in Switzerland.

According to the illustration, A German works for around 1900
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hours
in a
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year
on an average and this
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
is higher than that of the remaining four European countries. Despite the highest
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working
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hours
, Germans have the least
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hours
as
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holidays
which is 120. Swiss
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employees
enjoy the highest
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duration
of off from works which accounts for roughly 175
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hours
a
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year
despite their least
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duration
of works in offices, 1200
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hours
annually
. English and Finnish
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employees
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work
for around 1600
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hours
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
annually and
they enjoy roughly 140
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hours’
free time off from
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work
.
Finally
,
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employees
in France spend 1500
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hours
in workplaces and have more than 150
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hours’
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holidays
. French
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employees
have approximately a ratio of 10: 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this ratio is almost 19: 1. 2 in Germany and 12: 1. 75 in Switzerland.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The bar charts below show the average of annual working hours and the average duration of holidays in five European countries. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
201 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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