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Some people think that developed countries have higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both these views v.2

Some people think that developed countries have higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. 2
It is argued by some people that the preservation of Environment is the prime duty of developed nations while others believe that it is impossible to protect the globe without the support of every country. However, I also agree that it should be individuals responsibility but developed countries must take initiative and assist economically to underdeveloped countries for that. On the one hand, the major environmental issues such as global warming and Ozone layer depletion can significantly affect the whole world by increasing the overall temperature of the earth which results into rising the sea level. In other words, it is being said that developed nations are more answerable for those serious problems because most of the part of the earth is overwhelmingly utilized by them for their business purpose. For example, the US, China and India, they are the highest manufacturer of industrial items as well as user of fuel in the automobile sector. Hence, they are the major problem creator and it is their fundamental duty to allot funds for the conservation of the globe. I first met her in Paris where I lived as a small child. On the other hand, The threats such as air and water pollution in any region are liability of that provenance individually because only they can evaluate the main causes behind those in their territory and can find the appropriate solutions. Besides, countries can also generate electricity through renewable energy sources of their region to control the pollution caused by the thermal power plants. Moreover, problems like traffic congestion and solid waste handling which are also emerging as dangerous problems to the atmosphere of the locality which can only be resolved by the local authorities. After she picks me up, mum is taking me to buy shoes. In conclusion, I believe that with the support of organizations such as the United Nations and developed countries, all the nations should commit to secure the environment and world by focusing on this life threatening issues.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the preservation of Environment is the prime duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
while others believe that it is impossible to protect the globe without the support of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it should be individuals responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take initiative and assist
economically
to underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for that.

On the one hand, the major environmental issues such as global warming and Ozone layer depletion can
significantly
affect the whole world by increasing the
overall
temperature of the earth which results into rising the sea level.
In other words
, it is
being said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are more answerable for those serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the part of the earth is
overwhelmingly
utilized by them for their business purpose.
For example
, the US, China and India, they are the highest manufacturer of industrial items
as well
as user of fuel in the automobile sector.
Hence
, they are the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
creator and it is their fundamental duty to allot funds for the conservation of the globe. I
first
met her in Paris where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
child.

On the other hand
, The threats such as air and water pollution in any region are liability of that provenance
individually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can evaluate the main causes behind those in their territory and can find the appropriate solutions.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
generate electricity through renewable energy sources of their region to control the pollution caused by the thermal power plants.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like traffic congestion and solid waste handling which are
also
emerging as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
to the atmosphere of the locality which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be resolved
by the local authorities. After she picks me up, mum is taking me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
shoes.

In conclusion
, I believe that with the support of organizations such as the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should commit to secure the environment and world by focusing on this life threatening issues.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic Some people think that developed countries have higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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