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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.9

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 9
It is often argued that entertainers are more influential and prime characters of the society by many people. However, I believe that scientists have greater importance than entertainers. Firstly, scientific people invent new technology to improve the quality of human life. What I mean by this is that the new things discovered by them mostly ease the daily life of mankind as tend to use them. Moreover, they always think about the difficulties of humans and animals and try to invest more time and energy to bring the change. For example, the invention of aeroplane saved lots of time for travellers as they initially used slow means of transportation. Additionally, they always try to improve the efficiency of existing systems. That is why scientific people are role models of the society. The Second reason is that most of the scientists risk their life in developing medicines that are harmful or hazardous. In other words, there are many deadly diseases in the world that are transmitted to a human body even through a touch. Medical researchers often have to deal with this kind of situations, where they should not think of their life, in developing a solution. For Instance, during the deadly outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa, many doctors have risked their lives to treat them. In addition to this, they often encounter new challenges like the danger from the harsh chemicals in the labs or from the financial burdens if they fail. Hence, these difficulties prove that they are more important to the society. To sum up, although entertainers are more popular for their daily shows, Science people are the principal figures of the world. It is their courage and interest to discover new technologies are the reasons of why they are in the front position.
It is
often
argued that entertainers are more influential and prime characters of the society by
many
people
.
However
, I believe that scientists have greater importance than entertainers.

Firstly
, scientific
people
invent
new
technology to
improve
the quality of human
life
. What I mean by this is that the
new
things discovered by them
mostly
ease
the daily
life
of mankind as tend to
use
them.
Moreover
, they always
think
about the difficulties of humans and animals and try to invest more time and energy to bring the
change
.
For example
, the invention of
aeroplane
saved lots of time for
travellers
as they
initially
used
slow means of transportation.
Additionally
, they always try to
improve
the efficiency of existing systems.
That is
why scientific
people
are role models of the society.

The Second reason is that most of the scientists
risk
their
life
in developing medicines that are harmful or hazardous.
In other words
, there are
many
deadly diseases in the world that
are transmitted
to a human body even through a touch. Medical researchers
often
have to
deal with this kind of situations, where they should not
think
of their
life
, in developing a solution.
For Instance
, during the deadly outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa,
many
doctors have risked their
lives
to treat them.
In addition
to this, they
often
encounter
new
challenges like the
danger
from the harsh chemicals in the labs or from the financial burdens if they fail.
Hence
, these difficulties prove that they are more
important
to the society.

To sum up, although entertainers are more popular for their daily
shows
, Science
people
are the principal figures of the world. It is their courage and interest to discover
new
technologies are the reasons of why they are in the front position.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 9

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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