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Some People Believe That Competitive Sports, Both Team and Individual, Have No Place in the School Curriculum. How Far Do You Agree or Disagree? Give Reason for Your Answer and Include Any Relevant Examples from Your Own Knowledge or Experience. v.7

Some People Believe That Competitive Sports, Both Team and Individual, Have No Place in the School Curriculum. How Far Give Reason for Your Answer and Include Any Relevant Examples from Your Own Knowledge or Experience. v. 7
It is believed that competitive sports, either team or individual have negative effects at school. In my opinion I disagree with this statement, because goals of education are to prepare competitive people for the society. Moreover, competitive sports help learners to be motivated and encouraged not to give up in extreme situations in real-life. In the school curriculum, competitive sports should be included. If it is team sport, it helps learners to collaborate with each other, be responsible as a member of the team. Such skills are very important in preparing learners for the future. Take for example, football or basketball, students need to decide each step they do while playing and try to win together. The same skill could have a great benefit when they become workers. If it’s an individual sport, it could help a learner to make a decision by himself how to be a unique and show his talents much better among other participants in order to win. As a result, competitive sports lead to improve important real – life skills as collaboration, leadership, making a decision and being responsible which aren’t taught in other subjects. The second reason of including it into school curriculum is a motivation. Evidently, at school teachers are to motivate learners to do well, however, we should teach learners to motivate by themselves from early ages. Therefore, competitive sports play a great role in order to motivate learners intrinsically. Take for example an individual sport swimming, a learner has to be disciplined and do his trainings regularly. Furthermore, he is taught to analyze his behavior during swimming, to organize and have plan” B” his steps in advance. Additionally, the main important thing he is regularly told not to give up even if in the case of losing the competition. These soft skills are much more valued in real -life than any other skills. To conclude, competitive sports should have place in the school curriculum. They could help the education system prepare competitive learners for the future by teaching them important soft skills, such as working collaboratively in a team and hold a motivation, which are necessary for them in real-life.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
or individual have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion I disagree with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
goals of education are to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for the society.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to
be motivated
and encouraged not to give up in extreme situations in real-life.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be included
. If it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to collaborate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, be responsible as a member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
for the future. Take
for example
, football or basketball, students need to decide each step they do while playing and try to win together. The same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
could have a great benefit when they become workers. If it’s an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learner
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision by himself how to be a unique and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
his talents much better among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
participants in order to win.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
real
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as collaboration, leadership, making a decision and being responsible which aren’t taught in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects.

The second reason of including it into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum is a motivation.
Evidently
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers are to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to do well,
however
, we should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
to motivate by themselves from early ages.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
play a great role in order to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
intrinsically
. Take
for example
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
swimming, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be disciplined
and do his trainings
regularly
.
Furthermore
, he
is taught
to analyze his behavior during swimming, to organize and have plan” B” his steps in advance.
Additionally
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing he is
regularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
not to give up even if in the case of losing the competition. These soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are much more valued in real -life than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should have place in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. They could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the education system prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
for the future by teaching them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as working
collaboratively
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and hold a motivation, which are necessary for them in real-life.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic Some People Believe That Competitive Sports, Both Team and Individual, Have No Place in the School Curriculum. How Far Give Reason for Your Answer and Include Any Relevant Examples from Your Own Knowledge or Experience. v. 7

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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