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many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machine. does it development bring more advantage or disadvantage? v.2

many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machine. does it development bring more advantage or disadvantage? v. 2
There are many machines in the home have an impact on people living and developed it. The machines decrease the time of the people at home, but the machines have some active trouble in the future. Firstly, one of the machine' s advantages develops people life because machines can decrease the effects of the work. People rely on machines rather than themselves as they don not want to get hard work at home. Therefore, machines are reduced by the time of people. For instance, washing machines can decrease people’s time since people in previous time could wash their clothes by their hand. Secondly, in my opinion, machines enhance people life to be better than the previous time because they can do any things people need to do rather than the effect of people and less of the cost. Thus, people improve their machines to be work hard and without any effect of people after made of machine. For example, in the world, the industries are worked by machine instead of people. On the contrary, the people who rely on machines at home will not be well in the future since the machines reduce the effects of people. People require more effective to be active in their life. Therefore, the machines are harmful the people in the future. For example, some people who are old now they are not feeling happy since they are not active due to machines. To sum up, as stated above, machines develop and enhance people life in the home such a washing machine. On the other hand, the machines increase the inactive people because of depending on machines.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in the home have an impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living and developed it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
active trouble in the future.

Firstly
, one of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
machine&
#039; s advantages develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can decrease the effects of the work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
rather
than themselves as they
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work at home.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
can decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
could wash their clothes by their hand.

Secondly
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to be better than the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can do any things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to do
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and less of the cost.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
to be work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after made of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
For example
, in the world, the industries
are worked
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
at home will not be well in the future since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
require more effective to be active in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are harmful the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are not feeling happy since they are not active due to machines.

To sum up, as stated above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
develop and enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the home such a washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
increase the inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS academic many things that used to be done in the home by hand are now being done by machine. does it development bring more advantage or disadvantage? v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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