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he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.2

he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 2
The line graph illustrates changes in the proportion of population aged years and over in USA, Sweden and Japan Between 1940 to 2040 and is measured in percent. Overall it is immediately apparent that Japan the figure of resident up 65 years will probably significant increased in the last year and the amount should become the highest. Despite violent fluctuations both USA and Sweden the weakest of value have been observed in USA and following by Sweden. Population of more 65 ages since 1940 to 1980 between USA and Sweden, there have similar pattern of around 14 - 15 percent. But over following 40 years, population remained roughly unchanged in USA round 14 %. But in Sweden, Population of humans increased fluctuation. Then, Japan Country stood at 5% in 1940 and from 1960 to 1980 total of population stay constant. In 2000 witnessed a gradual rise in the number of population aged. Moving in 2020 and 2040, the figure of USA and Sweden should predicted to increase and growth under 25% and which Japan forecasts show than the amount will reached a high of 27%.
The line graph illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged years and over
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, Sweden and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "Between 1940 and 2040".
Between 1940 to 2040
and
is measured
in percent.
Overall
it is immediately apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
the figure of resident up 65 years will
probably
significant increased in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and the amount should become the highest. Despite violent fluctuations both USA and Sweden the weakest of value have
been observed
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and following by Sweden.

Population of more 65 ages since 1940 to 1980
A determiner is probably missing here: "between the USA".
between USA
and Sweden, there have similar pattern of around
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
14 - 15
percent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
over following 40 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
remained roughly unchanged in USA round 14 %.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in Sweden,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Population
of humans increased fluctuation. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
Country stood at 5% in 1940 and from 1960 to 1980 total of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
stay constant. In 2000 witnessed a gradual rise in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged.

Moving in 2020 and 2040, the figure
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
and Sweden should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "predict"
predicted
to increase and growth under 25% and which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
forecasts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
than the amount will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "reach"
reached
a high of 27%.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS academic he graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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