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Given two bar chart shows destination of undergraduates and postgraduates student of the UK, other than full-time work in the year of 2008. v.1

Given two bar chart shows destination of undergraduates and postgraduates student of the UK, other than full-time work in the year of 2008. v. 1
The two bar charts illustrate the number of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did after leaving college in the year of 2008. Overall, it shows that, in UK most of the graduate and postgraduate students did further study after leaving college while least number of students did voluntary activities in both groups. On the first graph, it shows that 17, 735 graduate students did part time employment in 2008 while 3, 500 students did voluntary work. The large number of graduate students decided to seek further study which was 29, 665 students. According to the bar graph, 16, 235 students were unemployment after college which was almost same amount as those who did part-time work. The second graph describe, 2, 535 UK postgraduate did part-time work while 345 students did voluntary work. On the other hand, after leaving school most of the students decide further study which was slightly more than part-time employment. Lastly, 1, 625 UK postgraduate students were jobless after complete their college.
The two bar charts illustrate the number of UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who did after leaving college in the year of 2008.

Overall
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, in UK most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did
further
study after leaving college while least number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did voluntary activities in both groups.

On the
first
graph, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 17, 735
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
employment in 2008 while 3, 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did voluntary work. The large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decided to seek
further
study which was 29, 665
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. According to the bar graph, 16, 235
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were unemployment after college which was almost same amount as those who did part-time work.

The second graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
, 2, 535 UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
did part-time work while 345
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did voluntary work.
On the other hand
, after leaving school most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
decide
further
study which was
slightly
more than part-time employment.
Lastly
, 1, 625 UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were jobless after complete their college.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic Given two bar chart shows destination of undergraduates and postgraduates student of the UK, other than full-time work in the year of 2008. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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