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Below is the chart showing incidence of serious crime in a large UK city from December to November. Total incidences of violent crime are shown in addition to incidences of 4 serious crime types. v.2

Below is the chart showing incidence of serious crime in a large UK city from December to November. Total incidences of violent crime are shown in addition to incidences of 4 serious crime types. v. 2
The presented line graph outlines the changes in number of four vicious crimes committed by Britain people over 11 months time period. A glance at the graph reveals that the theft, wild crime and criminal damage almost remained flat over the time period with unnoticeable fluctuations. On the other side, antisocial behavior witnessed increasing trend with sharp ups and downs. Criminal damage and theft maintained same number throughout the time period. They started with 100 members at starting of December and ended in November with almost same number of approximately 90 and 110 respectively. However, a slight ups and downs were noticed after close observation. Whereas, wild crime started with 200 member, fall slightly in the month of march and increased to its peaks in the month of August and increased its number by the end of November. And antisocial behavior with 500 decreased in the mid February and saw its peaks in the month of October with fluctuation in between. It fall from October to end of November by approximately 200 members
The presented line graph outlines the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of four vicious crimes committed by Britain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
over 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
time period.

A glance at the graph reveals that the theft, wild crime and criminal damage almost remained flat over the time period with unnoticeable fluctuations. On the other side, antisocial behavior witnessed increasing trend with sharp ups and downs.

Criminal damage and theft maintained same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
throughout the time period. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 100 members at starting of December and ended in November with almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of approximately 90 and 110
respectively
.
However
, a slight ups and downs
were noticed
after close observation.

Whereas, wild crime
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with 200
Possible agreement error. The noun 'member' seems to be countable, so consider using: "members".
member
, fall
slightly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of march and increased to its peaks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of August and increased its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of November. And antisocial behavior with 500 decreased in the mid February and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
its peaks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of October with fluctuation in between. It
Did you mean "falls"?
fall
from October to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of November by approximately 200
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
members
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic Below is the chart showing incidence of serious crime in a large UK city from December to November. Total incidences of violent crime are shown in addition to incidences of 4 serious crime types. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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