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The given chart illustrates the level of serious violent crime namely rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide between 1978 and 2000. v.2

The given chart illustrates the level of serious violent crime namely rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide between 1978 and 2000. v. 2
The given chart illustrates the level of serious violent crime namely rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide between 1978 and 2000. Overall, the total violent crime rate was always higher than other kinds of violent crime level while the proportion of arrests for violent crime stood the lowest point. Over the first 10 years starting from 1978, there was a slight fluctuation in the all violent crimes in America. Whereas, the next 12 years witnessed a steady decrease in the rate of violent crime. It can be seen that from 1978 to 1988 there was a fluctuation between 3. 5 and 4. 5 offences in total violent crime. At the same period, victimisations reported to police rose and fell at a lower rate between 2 and 2. 5 offences, while crimes recorded by police experienced a gradual upward trend and reached the highest point at over 1. 5 offences in a thousand. And the proportion of arrests for violent crime levelled off at a lower rate, under 0. 5 thousand offences. From 1988 onward, the total violent crime rate dramatically declined and stood at nearly 3 offences in thousand, was 3 offences higher than the figure for arrests for violent crime. Victimisations reported to police decreased by around 0. 5 offences between 1988 and 2000, while crimes recorded by police also fell at under 1. 5 offences after standing at the highest rate in 1994.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the level of serious
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violent
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crime
namely
rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide between 1978 and 2000.

Overall
, the total
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violent
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crime
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rate
was always higher than other kinds of
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violent
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crime
level while the proportion of arrests for
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violent
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crime
stood the lowest point. Over the
first
10 years starting from 1978, there was a slight fluctuation in the all
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violent
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crimes
in America.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the
next
12 years witnessed a steady decrease in the
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rate
of
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violent
crime.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that from 1978 to 1988 there was a fluctuation between 3. 5 and 4. 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in total
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violent
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crime
. At the same period,
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victimisations
reported to
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police
rose and fell at a lower
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rate
between 2 and 2. 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, while
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crimes
recorded by
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police
experienced a gradual upward trend and reached the highest point at over 1. 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
in a thousand. And the proportion of arrests for
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violent
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crime
levelled off at a lower
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rate
, under 0. 5 thousand
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.

From 1988 onward, the total
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violent
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crime
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rate
dramatically
declined and stood at
nearly
3
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offences
in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
, was 3
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offences
higher than the figure for arrests for
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violent
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crime
.
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Victimisations
reported to
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police
decreased by around 0. 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
between 1988 and 2000, while
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crimes
recorded by
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police
also
fell at under 1. 5
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
after standing at the highest
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rate
in 1994.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS academic The given chart illustrates the level of serious violent crime namely rape, robbery, aggravated assault and homicide between 1978 and 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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