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A horrible summer vacation

A horrible summer vacation 8dy8G
When I think about my brother, there was such a thing that I never forgot that summer since we were in high school. I am in 8th grade and my brother 10th grade. We go to school together. I have a different character but my brother is. I am gentle. My brother is very active and unbiased. We often quarrel but help together. We usually ride a bicycle around the streets at night after school. That summer, the teachers organized their vacation by themself. We had to ask my parents for permission to participate. And it became a horrible summer vacation until now It seems to be fresh in my memory. The trip lasted 3 days but ended earlier than it has. Our summer rendezvous is the beautiful Mui Ne beach, poetic but wild and very sparse, unlike many luxury hotels and restaurants nowadays. At 6 am, we arrived. The whole group was very excited, eager. The sunrise illuminated the whole beautiful wild beach. Teachers were looking for accommodations to book rooms. Students helped carry stuff from the car and gather them in one place. At 8 am, having accommodation was a little house with a great sea view. We had breakfast. Took a rest and prepared to go swimming. At 2 pm. Everybody went swimming. I cannot swim. My brother swims better than me. So I only played with the waves near the shore, my brother swam with a friend in our group. 2. 50 pm. He swam with my brother crawled into, couldn’t say a word, pointed out the distance. I knew to have happened a bad thing. I asked repeatedly him where my brother was, he just pointed outside without a word because his mouth has dyed full of blood. At that time, I couldn’t care about anything but my brother. I creamed. I shouted for my brother. In the far distance, I only saw a black shadow floating in the waves without knowing whether It was my brother or not. I kept screaming, shouting to find someone help me. I ran madly along the seaside to call for help, to pray someone could swim to save my brother. But nothing. Nothing happened. No one responded. They unconsciously stood up and saw with an empty heart. I was desperate. I told myself that if my brother died I would go with him but I didn’t dare to come back home. 15. p. m The beach is wild without planning. No lifeguard. No observation post. There were visitors and local photographers. I begged everyone to help my brother. Begging and praying for saving his life. Boom. A very loud crashing sound made me stop and look into the distance. I saw a black big lifebuoy made of truck tires thrown at my brother. A huge shadow of someone swan after the lifebuoy. My brother clung to it. He pulled my brother in. I kept praying during the time. My brother lost his sense. The teachers roasted hot salt to cover my brother’s feet. I massaged his limbs. Warm water has been made. Many people were curiously around. 4. 30 p. m. My brother slowly woke up. The first person he intensely mentioned is who saved him. I didn’t recognize who that person is and couldn’t see his face in such a disorganized situation. I had just a dim memory of his shade. He was in white clothes, height as me and muscular. We strolled along the beach to expect to find him to thank. My brother kneeled with clasped hands together and thanked the benefactor, thanked god for the help. I hugged my brother and did not leave him anymore. 5: 30 p. m The whole group had dinner. No one wanted to stay there anymore. We came back. My brother, his friend and me started to fear. 20p. m. The trip ended. We didn’t dare to tell my parents what were happed. Two months later, my parents got it. That was such an awful summer vacation in my life from now to forever.
When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
, there was such a thing that I never forgot that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
since we were in high school. I am in 8th grade and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
10th grade. We go to school together.

I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
character
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
is. I am gentle. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
active and unbiased. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
quarrel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
together. We
usually
ride a bicycle around the streets at night after school. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
, the teachers organized their vacation by
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
. We had to ask my parents for permission to participate. And it became a horrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
vacation until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
It seems to be fresh in my memory.

The trip lasted 3 days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ended earlier than it has.

Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
rendezvous is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mui
Ne beach, poetic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
wild and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sparse, unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
luxury hotels and restaurants nowadays.

At 6 am, we arrived. The whole group was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited, eager. The sunrise illuminated the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
wild beach.

Teachers were looking for accommodations to book rooms.

Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
carry stuff from the car and gather them in one place.

At 8 am, having accommodation was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with a great sea view.

We had breakfast. Took a rest and prepared to go swimming.

At 2 pm. Everybody went swimming. I cannot swim. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
swims better than me.
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
played with the waves near the shore, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
swam with a friend in our group.

2. 50 pm. He swam with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
crawled into, couldn’t say a word, pointed out the distance.

I knew to have happened a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.

I asked
repeatedly
him where my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
was, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
pointed outside without a word
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
his mouth has dyed full of blood. At that time, I couldn’t care about anything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my brother.

I creamed. I shouted for my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
. In the far distance, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a black shadow floating in the waves without knowing whether It was my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
or not.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
screaming, shouting to find someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "helps", "helped".
help
me. I ran
madly
along the seaside to call for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, to pray someone could swim to save my brother.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nothing. Nothing happened. No one responded. They
unconsciously
stood up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
with an empty heart.

I was desperate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
myself that if my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I didn’t dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home.

15. p. m The beach is wild without planning. No lifeguard. No observation
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "posts".
post
.

There were visitors and local photographers.

I begged everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
. Begging and praying for saving his life.

Boom. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
loud crashing sound made me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and look into the distance.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a black
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
lifebuoy made of truck tires thrown at my brother.

A huge shadow of someone swan after the lifebuoy. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
clung to it. He pulled my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
in. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
praying during the time.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
lost his sense. The teachers roasted hot salt to cover my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother’s
feet. I massaged his limbs. Warm water has
been made
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were
curiously
around.

4. 30 p. m. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
slowly
woke up. The
first
person he
intensely
mentioned is who saved him. I didn’t recognize who that person is and couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
his face in such a disorganized situation.

I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a dim memory of his shade. He was in white clothes, height as me and muscular.

We strolled along the beach to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to find him to thank. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
kneeled with clasped hands together and thanked the benefactor, thanked god for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
. I hugged my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
and did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
him anymore.

5: 30 p. m The whole group had dinner. No one wanted to stay there anymore. We came back. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
, his friend and me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fear.

20p. m. The trip ended. We didn’t dare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
my parents what were
Possible spelling mistake found.
happed
. Two months later, my parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
it. That was such an awful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
vacation in my life from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to forever.
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IELTS speaking A horrible summer vacation

Speaking
  American English
29 paragraphs
676 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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