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You've been select by another country to a short training course and you're requesting the Director of Education for financial help. Write Which course do you choose Why are you choosing that course What kind of help do you need

Dear sir, I am writing this letter to request your financial assistance for my short-term course. I have recently applied for a course in your country and I have been provided with a vocational seat. I prefer to do Information Security as my training course. I am an Information Technology graduate, currently working in the security domain for the past 6 years. As an Information Security Admin, I believe that this course would help me gain the knowledge related to cyber security as well as the updates about patching and networking so that I could enhance my career to the next level. I am from poor economical background and I cannot afford to pay my tuition fee. Hence I request you to provide appropriate scholarships or fee-waiver schemes to fund my studies. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Tom Jose
Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to request your financial assistance for my short-term course. I have recently applied for a course in your country and I have
been provided
with a vocational seat.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
prefer to do Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
as my training course.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am an Information Technology graduate,
currently
working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
domain for the past 6 years. As an Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
Admin, I believe that this course would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me gain the knowledge related to cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
as well
as the updates about patching and networking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could enhance my career to the
next
level.

I am from poor economical background and I cannot afford to pay my tuition fee.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
I request you to provide appropriate scholarships or fee-waiver schemes to fund my studies.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Tom Jose
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IELTS letter You've been select by another country to a short training course and you're requesting the Director of Education for financial help. Write Which course do you choose Why are you choosing that course What kind of help do you need

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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