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You've been select by another country to a short training course and you're requesting the Director of Education for financial help. Tell, which course do you choose? Why are you choosing that course? What kind of help do you need?

Dear sir, I am writing this letter to request your financial assistance for my short-term course. I have recently applied for a course in your country and I have been provided with a vocational seat. I would like to prefer Information Security as my training course. I am an Information Technology graduate currently working in the security domain in an IT company for the last 6 years. As an Information Security Admin, I believe that this course would help me gain the knowledge related to cyber security as well as the updates about patching and networking, which would enhance my career to the next level. The course fee is $3000 which is approximately 210000 Indian rupees. Since I am from a poor economic background and cannot afford to pay my tuition fee, I request you to provide appropriate scholarships or fee-waiver schemes to fund my studies. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Tom Jose
Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to request your financial assistance for my short-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. I have recently applied for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in your country and I have
been provided
with a vocational seat.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to prefer Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
as my training course.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am an Information Technology graduate
currently
working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
domain in an IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for the last 6 years. As an Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Security
Admin, I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me gain the knowledge related to cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
as well
as the updates about patching and networking, which would enhance my career to the
next
level.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
fee is $3000 which is approximately 210000 Indian rupees. Since I am from a poor economic background and cannot afford to pay my tuition fee, I request you to provide appropriate scholarships or fee-waiver schemes to fund my studies.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Tom Jose
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IELTS letter You've been select by another country to a short training course and you're requesting the Director of Education for financial help. Tell, which course do you choose? Why are you choosing that course? What kind of help do you need?

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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