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Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher. v.2

Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher. v. 2
Dear Mr Haruki, Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirit. First of all, please let me apologize to you because I am writing this letter to you without your prior permission, but I am writing on the advice of a well-respected person, whom you know personally, named Mr Jonathon Kyle. Mr Jonathon, my mentor, has spoken very highly of you. Now, please allow me to spell out why I am writing a letter to you. Actually, I am planning to learn the Japanese language, and I was told that you could teach me this language within a short period of time. I have heard that your teaching method is very proficient and it will certainly be helpful to me. I would also love to learn about how to be proficient in business communication in the Japanese language from you. Anyway, in case if you are wondering, I think that learning the Japanese language would provide me with some extra leverage in obtaining international employment opportunities, especially, in Japan. Besides, I have a few friends in Japan with whom I would like to talk to in their native language. And, I am ready to take the language lesson as soon as you ask. So, please let me know when I can start, and what I need to do before you can be ready to provide the language lesson for me. Yours faithfully, Robin Singh
Dear Mr
Haruki
,

Hope this letter finds you in
good
health and spirit.
First of all
,
please
let
me apologize to you
because
I am writing this letter to you without your prior permission,
but
I am writing on the advice of a well-respected person, whom you know
personally
, named Mr Jonathon Kyle.

Mr Jonathon, my mentor, has spoken
very
highly
of you.
Now
,
please
allow
me to spell out why I am writing a letter to you. Actually, I am planning to learn the Japanese
language
, and I was
told
that you could teach me this
language
within a short period of time. I have heard that your teaching method is
very
proficient and it will
certainly
be helpful to me. I would
also
love
to learn about how to be proficient in business communication in the Japanese
language
from you.

Anyway, in case if you are wondering, I
think
that learning the Japanese
language
would provide me with
some
extra leverage in obtaining international employment opportunities,
especially
, in Japan.
Besides
, I have a few friends in Japan with whom I would like to talk to in their native
language
. And, I am ready to take the
language
lesson as
soon
as you ask.

So
,
please
let
me know when I can
start
, and what I need to do
before
you can be ready to provide the
language
lesson for me.

Yours
faithfully
,

Robin Singh
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter Your mentor recommended you to learn a new language and gave you contact details of a teacher. Following his advice, you need to write a letter to the teacher. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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