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Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v.1

Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a third-year accounting major student in your college and I am writing to you regarding a problem that I have encountered several times over the past few weeks in our football ground. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve the matter immediately. In relation to the issue, our football team is preparing for the upcoming competition against FC College, and the training is very hard - both mentally and physically. Hence we sometimes get very lethargic towards the end of our training sessions. But I am extremely alarmed at the fact that the faucet at the ground appears to be out of order, therefore, my teammates and I can’t quench our thirsts during and after the practice. Because of this, I suffered from dehydration a few days ago and had to be rushed to the hospital. My intention in writing this letter to you is to ask a working condition faucet for drinking water so that we can carry on our practice sessions without risking our health. Expecting your kind attention and prompt action regarding this. Yours sincerely, Sameed Qureshi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a third-year accounting major student in your
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
college and
I am writing to you regarding a problem that I have encountered several times over the past few weeks in our football ground. I am hoping that you would take steps to solve the matter immediately.

In relation to the issue, our football team is preparing for the upcoming competition against FC College, and the training is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
both mentally and
physically
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lethargic towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of our training sessions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I am
extremely
alarmed at the fact that the faucet at the ground appears to be out of order,
therefore
, my teammates and I can’t quench our thirsts during and after the practice.
Because of this
, I suffered from dehydration a few days ago and had to
be rushed
to the hospital.

My intention in writing this letter to you is to ask a working condition faucet for drinking water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can carry on our practice sessions without risking our health.

Expecting your kind attention and prompt action regarding this.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
Qureshi
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS letter Write a letter to your college’s administration department complaining about the college facility. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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