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Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community. <br> v.2

Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community. <br> v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am the assistant manager of the Kennedy Women Development Organization. I have recently noticed your advertisement dated 12th April 2020 and writing this letter to recommend a person who I believe deserves the reward you intend to present. My organisation’s director, Mrs Hemamalinee, is the person I would like to suggest for this reward. She has been working for widow women for more than three decades. She is a capable, experienced and talented woman absolutely fitting to receive this award. She utilises her time for other needy women. Both as a director and individually, she has supported many widows and destitute women. With her dedication, support and willingness, she has become a role model in our community. She never differentiates people based on their race, religion, disability and colour. That is, she treats all equally and she is an exemplary personality for many. I would like to suggest a reward for this excellent lady; a trophy printed her name and her service to the community. This should be an award for her lifetime achievement. Many women who obtained supports through her would be utterly happy if she receives this reward. We would be highly thankful if you could nominate Mrs Hemamalinee on your list. Yours faithfully, Niro Renu
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am the assistant manager of the Kennedy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
Development Organization. I have recently noticed your advertisement dated 12th April 2020 and writing this letter to recommend a person who I believe deserves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
you intend to present.

My
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
’s director, Mrs
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hemamalinee
, is the person I would like to suggest for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
. She has been working for widow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for more than three decades. She is a capable, experienced and talented woman
absolutely
fitting to receive this award.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
She
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilises' is British English.
utilises
her time for other needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Both as a director and
individually
, she has supported
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
widows and destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. With her dedication, support and willingness, she has become a role model in our community. She never differentiates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
based on their race, religion, disability and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.
That is
, she treats all
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
equally and
she is an exemplary personality for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

I would like to suggest a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
for this excellent lady; a trophy printed her name and her service to the community. This should be an award for her lifetime achievement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who obtained supports through her would be
utterly
happy if she receives this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
. We would be
highly
thankful if you could nominate Mrs
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hemamalinee
on your list.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Niro
Possible spelling mistake found.
Renu
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS letter Your local newspaper wants to reward people who have contributed a lot to the community. <br> v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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