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You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. v.1

You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. v. 1
Dear Rabbi, Hope you are doing well. I have recently got a job offer in New York and I am excited about it. I am planning to leave next month and would like to meet you sometime before my departure. I have decided not to ship my furniture to my destination. Instead, I want to sell them off. I think you might be interested to purchase my smart TV. The TV I own is an ultra-slim Samsung LED television and I purchased it around 6 months ago. It still has a warranty for 1 and a half years. I brought it from a branded Samsung showroom and it is a 43 inch Android TV. The outstanding features of this TV are 3-Dimensional view (3D), smart internet connection, latest Android OS, 256 GB internal memory, 10 years picture panel warranty and voice activation. I believe you would be interested to have this TV, however, I advise you to have a clear demonstration of the functional and operational procedures of it. you can come to check it out next weekend, Saturday, 28th March. We can also negotiate the price at the same time. Kindly reply to me with your thoughts on buying this television. Hope to hear from you soon. Warm wishes, Ramesh Roy
Dear Rabbi,

Hope you are doing well. I have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a job offer in New
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
York and
I
am excited
about it. I am planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
next
month and would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you sometime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
my departure.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have decided not to ship my furniture to my destination.
Instead
, I want to sell them off. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you might
be interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
my smart TV.

The TV I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
is an ultra-slim Samsung LED television and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
it around 6 months ago. It
still
has a warranty for 1 and a half years. I brought it from a branded Samsung showroom and it is a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "43-inch"
43 inch
Android TV. The outstanding features of this TV are 3-Dimensional view (3D), smart internet connection,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
Android OS, 256 GB internal memory, 10 years picture panel warranty and voice activation.

I believe you would
be interested
to have this TV,
however
, I advise you to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
demonstration of the functional and operational procedures of it. you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
it out
next
weekend, Saturday, 28th March. We can
also
negotiate the price at the same time.

Kindly reply to me with your thoughts on buying this television.

Hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Warm wishes,

Ramesh Roy
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS letter You want to sell your television. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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