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You have stayed at a friend’s house last weekend and forgot your watch there. v.1

You have stayed at a friend’s house last weekend and forgot your watch there. v. 1
Dear Harish, I hope this letter finds you in good health. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for my stay at your home in Adelaide last weekend. I had a pleasant time over there and I can not thank you enough for the genuine hospitality you have offered me. Adelaide is an interesting place for shopping and a diverse range of shopping malls are located there. I bought a brand new Rolex wristwatch for my wife from Rundle street shopping centre keeping her approaching birthday in mind. I was actually tempted by the fascinating brown colour strap and square-shaped dial. The dial has roman numbers too. I am very excited about it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it in my luggage when I got back to Sydney. I remember keeping it in your living room- probably in a drawer of the large table. I want to gift it to my wife on her birthday next week and surprise her. However, this can be possible only if you take the burden to send it to my address. Actually, James Brown - one of my colleagues, is travelling to Sydney from your place this weekend. I can request him to collect it from your house. He lives just a couple of miles away from your apartment. I will pass your address and contact number to him. I think you can hand it over to him without any trouble. I hope to see you soon in Sydney. Warm wishes, Ramesh Navaretta
Dear Harish,

I hope this letter finds you in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. I would like to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for my stay at your home in Adelaide last weekend.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
had a pleasant time over there and I can not thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the genuine hospitality you have offered me.

Adelaide is an interesting place for shopping and a diverse range of shopping malls
are located
there. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a brand new Rolex wristwatch for my wife from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rundle
street shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
keeping her approaching birthday in mind. I was actually tempted by the fascinating brown
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
strap and square-shaped dial. The dial has roman numbers too. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited about it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it in my luggage when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
back to Sydney. I remember keeping it in your living room-
probably
in a drawer of the large table. I want to gift it to my wife on her birthday
next
week and surprise her.
However
, this can be possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if you take the burden to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
it to my address.

Actually, James Brown
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
one of my colleagues, is travelling to Sydney from your place this weekend. I can request him to collect it from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a couple of miles away from your apartment. I will pass your address and contact number to him. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you can hand it over to him without any trouble.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
in Sydney.

Warm wishes,

Ramesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navaretta
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS letter You have stayed at a friend’s house last weekend and forgot your watch there. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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