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You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able to hold the goods for you.

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able to hold the goods for you. pRRK3
Dear Sir, I am writing to enquire if you have various electrical goods that I want to buy. I have tried shops in my own town but they don‛t have exactly what I want. I want the new Sony DVD player, a Technics turntable and a radio with long wave capability. Do you have these items in stock or, if not, will you be able to order them soon? I also need to know what price you charge for these items. If you do have these things, would you be able to hold them for me and for how long? I am free this weekend and, if you have them, I can come over on Saturday morning to pay you and pick them up. Please write back to me as soon as possible at the above address or call me on my mobile number (07364 957 143). I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Peter Jervis
Dear Sir,

I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
if you have various electrical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. I have tried shops in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
Did you mean "don't" or "don’t"?
don‛t
have exactly what I want.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
want the new Sony DVD player, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Technics
turntable and a radio with long wave capability. Do you have these items in stock or, if not, will you be able to order them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
? I
also
need to know what price you charge for these items. If you do have these things, would you be able to hold them for me and for how long? I am free this weekend and, if you have them, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over on Saturday morning to pay you and pick them up.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
write back to me as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible at the above address or call me on my mobile number (07364 957 143). I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Peter
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jervis

IELTS letter You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. Write a letter to the shop and ask if they have the things you want or whether they will be able to order them. Ask what the prices are and how long they will be able to hold the goods for you.

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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