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You would like a job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children ...

You would like a job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children. . . WE3pa
I would like to apply for a position at your Devon summer camp this year. I am an outgoing person with lots of energy and a great sense of fun and adventure. I show dedication and a high level of responsibility in everything I do and am known for being very reliable. Furthermore, I am confident working on my own but equally enjoy being part of a team. I have many relevant skills to offer. These include level 4 instructor certificates for both for kayaking and climbing as well as being an experienced dinghy sailor. I was a Scout Leader for two years before going to university and was popular with and respected by all the boys and girls in our pack. I am especially interested in being an activity leader at the summer camp but would consider any position appropriate to my skills and experience. I would also be willing to organize and lead campfire cooking session several evenings a week as this is another passion of mine and always a favorite with kids. I thank you for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you
I would like to apply for a position at your Devon summer camp this year.

I am an outgoing person with lots of energy and a great sense of fun and adventure.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
dedication and a high level of responsibility in everything I do and
am known
for being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
reliable.
Furthermore
, I am confident working on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
equally
enjoy being part of a team.

I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to offer. These include level 4 instructor certificates for both for kayaking and climbing
as well
as being an experienced dinghy sailor. I was a Scout Leader for two years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to university and was popular with and respected by all the boys and girls in our pack.

I am
especially
interested in being an activity leader at the summer camp
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would consider any position appropriate to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and experience.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would
also
be willing to organize and lead campfire cooking session several evenings a week as this is another passion of mine and always a favorite with kids.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
thank you for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you
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IELTS letter You would like a job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children. . .

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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