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you work in an international company and want to request some time off to attend a family event.write a letter to your manager -ask for time off describe the event how will you make up the time

you work in an international company and want to request some time off to attend a family event. write a letter to your manager -ask for time off describe the event how will you make up the time 85dEB
Dear Sir, I, hereby request you to grant me leave for a period of one week starting 7th March on 14th March 2020. As it is my sister's marriage and unfortunately my dad is out of town, I am the one who is in charge of the occasion. Moreover, we will be moving to our hometown for the event as my relatives and family members are settled there. Also, the ceremony is taking place in our family temple in Pune, which is about half a day's travel. Firstly, I know as I am in the section of marketing, it will be difficult to accept my request. But Mr. Murugan, one of my colleagues from the same department is ready to take up my duty schedule. Secondly, I will make up the time by doing an extra shift for 3 days respectively to compensate the allotted period once I join Back. Kindly do the needful and hoping to hear from you soon. Thanking you, Yours faithfully, Nikhil Mehata
Dear Sir,

I, hereby request you to grant me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for a period of one week starting 7th March on 14th March 2020.

As it is my sister's marriage and unfortunately my dad is out of town, I am the one who is in charge of the occasion.
Moreover
, we will be moving to our hometown for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
as my relatives and family members
are settled
there.
Also
, the ceremony is taking place in our family temple in Pune, which is about half a day's travel.

Firstly
, I know as I am in the section of marketing, it will be difficult to accept my request.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Murugan
, one of my colleagues from the same department is ready to take up my duty schedule.

Secondly
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up the time by doing an extra shift for 3 days
respectively
to compensate the allotted period once I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Back.

Kindly do the needful and hoping to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Thanking you,

Yours
faithfully
,

Nikhil
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mehata
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IELTS letter you work in an international company and want to request some time off to attend a family event. write a letter to your manager -ask for time off describe the event how will you make up the time

Letter
  American English
9 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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