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you work in a business company but poorly organised

you work in a business company but poorly organised 3aWlX
Dear Mr. Smith, I am writing to outline my candidature for new sales coordinator once there is a vacancy for a new leader in my department. Well, I would appreciate to be considered to this position. I am confident that I suit perfectly to this job, because not only have I been working in this company for more than 10 years, but also, I have acquired the knowledge and skills this position might require. Firstly, I have accumulated 5 years of being account manager here, therefore I completely understand what a sales position requires and how our customers deal with business. Besides, I have leaded engineering team for 5 years which gave me managerial abilities. Unfortunately, the department needs a competent person who has strategic view to orient better the accountants and engineering designers. Additionally, I am aware that we need to improve our organic growth and have a better operate income. I would be glad to contribute for changing what is necessary to achieve what our stakeholders are expecting. I am looking forward to hearing back from you. Yours sincerely, Manuela Tiradentes.
Dear Mr. Smith,

I am writing to outline my candidature for new sales coordinator once there is a vacancy for a new leader in my department.

Well, I would appreciate to
be considered
to this position. I am confident that I suit
perfectly
to this job,
because
not
only
have I been working in this
company
for more than 10 years,
but
also
, I have acquired the knowledge and
skills
this position might require.

Firstly
, I have accumulated 5 years of being account manager here,
therefore
I completely understand what a sales position requires and how our customers deal with business.
Besides
, I have leaded engineering team for 5 years which gave me managerial abilities.

Unfortunately, the department needs a competent person who has strategic view to orient better the accountants and engineering designers.
Additionally
, I am aware that we need to
improve
our organic growth and have a better operate income. I would be glad to contribute for changing what is necessary to achieve what our stakeholders are expecting.

I am looking forward to hearing back from you.

Yours
sincerely
,

Manuela
Tiradentes
.
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IELTS letter you work in a business company but poorly organised

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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