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You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it

Dear Mr Hamidi, I'm writing this letter to express my interest in attending the head office in London for six months. to begin whit, as a new marketing manager in your company, I found that sales of the company's products had declined in the last few months. I evaluated the sale process and financial documents and I realized that the main problem is related to the marketing section. I believe that I need more experience to cooperation with your company. In addition, in my opinion the marketing methods that use in the company is old and we need to some new ways to introduce products to people. Therefore, I asked you to approve my request and I try to learn new marketing methods. I believe that the six-month period can help both me and the company. During this time, I can ask one of my co-workers to perform my duties in the company. I would appreciate if you approve my request and I look forward to hearing from you. yours faithfully, Anna Martin. Yours faithfully, Anna Martin.
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hamidi
,

I'm writing this letter to express my interest in attending the head office in London for six months.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
whit, as a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
manager in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, I found that sales of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's products had declined in the last few months. I evaluated the sale process and financial documents and I realized that the main problem
is related
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
section.

I believe that I need more experience to cooperation with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In addition
, in my opinion the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
methods that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
old and
we need to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new ways to introduce products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Therefore
, I asked you to approve my request and I try to learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
methods. I believe that the six-month period can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both me and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. During this time, I can ask one of my co-workers to perform my duties in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

I would appreciate if you approve my request and I look forward to hearing from you.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
yours
faithfully
,

Anna Martin.

Yours
faithfully
,

Anna Martin.

IELTS letter You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it

Letter
  American English
10 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it