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You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country 1NpM
Dear Mr. Anderson I am writing you this letter to express my intentions to relocate to the company's head office in New York for training purposes. As you well know, I have been working with the firm for almost one year, and haven't attended any training courses so far. Although, I am participating in some online courses, but I would be much efficient to have an on-site training course in the company's headquarters. Furthermore, I am willing to bear my accommodation costs in the city instead of providing me a room in the company's compound. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Sincerely Yours, Rami Masri
Dear Mr. Anderson I am writing you this letter to express my intentions to relocate to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's head office in New York for training purposes.

As you well know, I have been working with the firm for almost one year, and haven't attended any training courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far. Although, I am participating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
online courses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would be much efficient to have an on-site training course in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's headquarters.

Furthermore
, I am willing to bear my accommodation costs in the city
instead
of providing me a room in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's compound.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely
Yours,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Rami
Masri

IELTS letter You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
106 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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