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You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received.

You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received. qGpa
Dear Madame, I am writing to complain the poor service at the Emergency Ward of the hospital yesterday, 27th of June 2020. I visited the hospital with my daughter for doctor's consultation and intervention on her due to severe complaints of stomach disorder. This pain started at around 4pm in the evening yesterday, after every form of first aid at home there was no relieve. However the hospital is about 20 minutes drive from home which I did not hesitate to drive her down. It was very disheartening to see my daughter wallow in pains as there was no doctor to attend to her. To inform you that the doctor available allowed her in the office at 9: 20pm having waited for 4 hours with no excuse or consideration by any member of staff should notify you of the poor service rendered on this day. I look forward to your reply stating why we had to pass through this absurd situation and action plan in place to avoid future occurrence. My daughter would be expecting to read an apology letter as she was very sad about this event. I would sincerely like you to investigate and set proper actions to why this event occurred and avoiding it from happening in future. I am available to provide and form of information required for this investigation. Yours Sincerely, Ahmed
Dear Madame,

I am writing to complain the poor service at the Emergency Ward of the hospital yesterday, 27th of June 2020. I visited the hospital with my daughter for doctor's consultation and intervention on her due to severe complaints of stomach disorder. This pain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at around 4pm in the evening yesterday, after every form of
first
aid at home there was no relieve.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the hospital is about 20 minutes drive from home which I did not hesitate to drive her down.

It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disheartening to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my daughter wallow in pains as there was no doctor to attend to her.

To inform you that the doctor available
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
her in the office at 9: 20pm having waited for 4 hours with no excuse or consideration by any member of staff should notify you of the poor service rendered on this day.

I look forward to your reply stating why we had to pass through this absurd situation and action plan in place to avoid future occurrence. My daughter would be expecting to read an apology letter as she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad about this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. I would
sincerely
like you to investigate and set proper actions to why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
occurred and avoiding it from happening
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. I am available to provide and form of information required for this investigation.

Yours
Sincerely
,

Ahmed
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IELTS letter You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received.

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received.