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You recently travelled by bus from your hometown to a different city and left some valuable items on the bus. v.2

You recently travelled by bus from your hometown to a different city and left some valuable items on the bus. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I took one of your buses from Dandenong Station to Melbourne City Centre last Monday at around 9. 00 am but unfortunately, left my handbag in it. I am hoping that you would locate my bag and let me fetch it from your office in Melbourne. The bus that I took (number AF45871) last Monday was more than half an hour late. Due to this, the bus was overcrowded than usual. My bag was too heavy to carry and therefore I put it on the top shelve. Regrettably, when I got off the bus, I forgot my bag due to the rush and crowd. This is a red ladies bag with two handles with a pink colour ribbon in front of it. Some important documents, some cash, a notebook and a USB stick were in it. The contents are really important because they are related to work. Therefore, I would really appreciate your update regarding the whereabouts of this bag. Please do not hesitate to contact me on +02-056745777 or email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . I will come to your office to pick it personally once you have it. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Shanika Shani
Dear Sir or Madam,

I took one of your buses from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dandenong
Station to Melbourne City
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
last Monday at around 9. 00 am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
my handbag in it. I am hoping that you would locate my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me fetch it from your office in Melbourne.

The bus that I took (number AF45871) last Monday was more than half an hour late. Due to this, the bus
was overcrowded
than usual. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
was too heavy to carry and
therefore
I put it on the top shelve.
Regrettably
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
off the bus, I forgot my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
due to the rush and crowd.

This is a red ladies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
with two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
handles
with a pink
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
ribbon in front of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
documents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash, a notebook and a USB stick were in it. The contents are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are related
to work.

Therefore
, I would
really
appreciate your update regarding the whereabouts of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
do not hesitate to contact me on +02-056745777 or email me at This email address is
being protected
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
spambots
. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to your office to pick it
personally
once you have it.

I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Shanika
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shani
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS letter You recently travelled by bus from your hometown to a different city and left some valuable items on the bus. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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