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You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v.3

You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, Recently I took my computer to your store and had it repaired for a charge of $100. However, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the service that I experienced at your store. I am hoping that you would take actions to improve your service quality and give me an explanation of the unexpected event. With regards to the poor customer service, one of your staff, whose name I cannot recall, promised me on 25th June that the repair work would take only two days as the computer had a minor problem. When I expressed concern about my data, he assured that it would not be affected in any way. Three days later, I received a call from your store and was told that the repair will take longer than expected, so I had to wait a bit longer. After nine days, I finally brought my computer home. To my dismay, some of my important data and files were gone. Given what I was told previously, I was extremely disappointed and upset. Honestly, I did not expect such a terrible service from your store. I demand that you give me a proper explanation as to how this incident occurred. You must also restore my missing data. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Helen Lim
Dear Sir or Madam,

Recently I took my computer to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
and had it repaired for a charge of $100.
However
, I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
that I experienced at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. I am hoping that you would take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
quality and give me an explanation of the unexpected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the poor customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
, one of your staff, whose name I cannot recall, promised me on 25th June that the repair work would take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two days as the computer had a minor problem. When I expressed concern about my data, he assured that it would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in any way. Three days later, I received a call from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
and was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that the repair will take longer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I had to wait a bit longer.

After nine days, I
finally
brought my computer home. To my dismay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data and files
were gone
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
what I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
previously, I was
extremely
disappointed and upset.
Honestly
, I did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
such a terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
. I demand that you give me a proper explanation as to how this incident occurred. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
restore my missing data.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Helen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lim
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS letter You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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