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You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v.2

You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I took my computer to your service centre on 22nd July and was charged £80 for repair work. However, I had to go to your shop twice and I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the service I received from a particular technician. I purchased the computer last year and the warranty expired only a month ago. For the last few days, I was having problems with my computer. Some programs froze frequently and sometimes I had to restart the computer for that. I took my computer to your store on 22nd July and tried to explain the problem to a technician, who introduced himself as Michel, but he was very rude and pointed me that the computer is working fine. I tried to convince him to spend more time to identify the problem, but he acted arrogantly and impatiently explained to me that his shift is over and I will have to come next working day. As a regular customer and since I wanted to have my computer fixed promptly, next day, I travelled to your shop again. This time another technician, John Bolt, listened to me attentively and spent some time with the computer. He fixed my computer in less than an hour. I suppose your employee Michel is not proper for his position because of his unprofessionalism. Please employ more skilled and cordial technicians who do behave rudely. Yours faithfully, Stuart Albert
Dear Sir or Madam,

I took my computer to your service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
on 22nd July and
was charged
£80 for repair work.
However
, I had to go to your shop
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
twice and
I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with the service I received from a particular technician.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
the computer last year and the warranty expired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a month ago. For the last few days, I was having problems with my computer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
programs froze
frequently
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I had to restart the computer for that. I took my computer to your store on 22nd July and tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the problem to a technician, who introduced himself as Michel,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rude and pointed me that the computer is working fine. I tried to convince him to spend more time to identify the problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he acted
arrogantly
and
impatiently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
to me that his shift is over and I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
next
working day.

As a regular customer and since I wanted to have my computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
promptly
,
next
day, I travelled to your shop again. This time another technician, John Bolt, listened to me
attentively
and spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with the computer. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
my computer in less than an hour.

I suppose your employee Michel is not proper for his position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
unprofessionalism
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
employ more skilled and cordial technicians who do behave
rudely
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Stuart Albert
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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