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You received a new IPhone from one company and you found some problems in it.

You received a new IPhone from one company and you found some problems in it. 1mP1L
I am writing to express my strong dissatisfaction with the product, I was received in Karachi branch of American apple company yesterday. Firstly, the product, I was given was not the model I had asked for. The new IPhone 7pro max was advertised to me by the local manager and I agreed to buy it. Furthermore on unpacking my purchase, I saw that the older version I was given. In addition to, this device was much more cheaper than I had requested and paid. Also it did not have many features, I needed. As you can imagine, I am extremely upset and I insist on a full of refund however a written apology by the local manager or else I shall be forced to take further actions. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible
I am writing to express my strong dissatisfaction with the product, I
was received
in Karachi branch of American apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
yesterday.
Firstly
, the product, I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
was not the model I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
. The new
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPhone
7pro max
was advertised
to me by the local manager and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
on unpacking my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that the older version I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
In addition
to, this device was much
Use only "cheaper" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more cheaper
than I had requested and paid.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features, I needed. As you can imagine, I am
extremely
upset and I insist on a full of refund
however
a written apology by the local manager or else I shall
be forced
to take
further
actions. I look forward to hearing from you as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
possible
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IELTS letter You received a new IPhone from one company and you found some problems in it.

Letter
  American English
1 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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