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You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment. You left the apartment in good condition but the landlord will not return your deposit.

You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment. You left the apartment in good condition but the landlord will not return your deposit. 1w1A
Dear Mr Coleman, I am writing to request the return of the $800 deposit that I paid to you before I rented #21 Britannia Court for the month of April. When I telephoned your office I was told that you are not intending to repay this money and I am unable to understand the reason for this. When I signed the rental agreement it was my understanding that the deposit would be returned if the apartment was vacated clean and undamaged. This was the condition of the flat when I returned the keys. I cleaned the whole apartment and there were no breakages and no damage to fittings and furniture. I believe that I have kept to the terms of the agreement and therefore I respectfully request that my deposit be repaid in full. I shall have no alternative but to seek legal advice if we are unable to resolve this matter in a satisfactory manner. Your sincerely, Alexey
Dear Mr Coleman,

I am writing to request the return of the $800 deposit that I paid to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I rented #21 Britannia Court for the month of April. When I telephoned your office I was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that you are not intending to repay this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
I am unable to understand the reason for this.

When I signed the rental agreement it was my understanding that the deposit would
be returned
if the apartment
was vacated
clean and undamaged. This was the condition of the flat when I returned the keys. I cleaned the whole apartment and there were no breakages and no damage to fittings and furniture.

I believe that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
to the terms of the agreement and
therefore
I
respectfully
request that my deposit be repaid in full.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
shall have no alternative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to seek legal advice if we are unable to resolve this matter
Consider replacing "in a satisfactory manner" with the adverb for "satisfactory"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a satisfactory manner
.

Did you mean "Yours"? (complimentary close)
Your
sincerely
, Alexey
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IELTS letter You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment. You left the apartment in good condition but the landlord will not return your deposit.

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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