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You have seen an Australian magazine advertisement for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. • Explain why you would like the job, • give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ • say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

You have seen an Australian magazine advertisement for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. • Explain why you would like the job, • give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ • say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia 67M8
Dear sir or madam, This letter is being written in response to your's advertisement in 'Sydney times'. I am Depanshi Rana, and currently working in a child care centre in my home country-India. However, I will migrate to Australia due to my further studies; therefore, I believe this job is suitable. Why do I present myself as a potential candidate as a care-taker of your child? The preponderant reason is that I have extensive knowledge and first-rate skills in managing children since I have been working in a daycare centre for four years. ; thus, I know well how to tackle a child and what activities are appropriate for children of different ages. Apart from this, I diligent and patient while incorporation with young ones. As I mentioned above, I have enrolled in an intensive course about child care and nutrition; hence most of my time would be spent studying and researching. Besides, on weekends, I would love to play chess as I am a national chess player, and I have applied to join a chess club in Sydney. Finally, I would welcome the opportunity of an interview with you in order to discuss my credentials, qualification and experience. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Dipan
Dear sir or madam,

This letter is
being written
in response to
Did you mean "your" or "yours"?
your's
advertisement in 'Sydney times'. I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Depanshi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rana
, and
currently
working in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in my home country-India.
However
, I will migrate to Australia due to my
further
studies;
therefore
, I believe this job is suitable.

Why do I present myself as a potential candidate as a care-taker of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
? The preponderant reason is that I have extensive knowledge and
first
-rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in managing children since I have been working in a daycare
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for four years.
Loose punctuation mark.
;
thus
, I know well how to tackle a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and what activities are appropriate for children of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages. Apart from this, I diligent and patient while incorporation with young ones.

As I mentioned above, I have enrolled in an intensive course about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
care and nutrition;
hence
most of my time would
be spent
studying and researching.
Besides
, on weekends, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play chess as I am a national chess player, and I have applied to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a chess club in Sydney.

Finally
, I would welcome the opportunity of an interview with you in order to discuss my credentials, qualification and experience.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Dipan
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IELTS letter You have seen an Australian magazine advertisement for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. • Explain why you would like the job, • give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ • say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • You have seen an Australian magazine advertisement for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. • Explain why you would like the job, • give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ • say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia