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You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v.5

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v. 5
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to apply for a part-time job in your museum shop during the holiday. I am very keen to have a part-time job during this summer vacation, specifically in a shop where I would be able to learn and meet people from diverse backgrounds. I am hoping that you would consider my application and give me the chance to work for you. I am a teacher in an elementary grammar school and I teach history. I am 26 years old and have completed my graduation from arts major. I can speak English, Sinhala and Tamil fluently. Last year, I worked in a large bookshop during my vacation and enjoyed it very much. I would like to meet new people and serve my position with dedication, commitment and hard work. I enjoyed going to your museum a few months ago and I spent a considerable amount of time there. I visited your museum shop with a team and I am familiar with the types of items your store sells to visitors. I think you will be kind enough to consider me as a suitable candidate for this position. I look forward to hearing from you soon and further discuss my candidacy for the job. Yours faithfully, Ama Nikole
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for a part-time job in your museum shop during the holiday. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to have a part-time job during this summer vacation,
specifically
in a shop where I would be able to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from diverse backgrounds.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would consider my application and give me the chance to work for you.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am a teacher in an elementary grammar school and I teach history.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am 26 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and have completed my graduation from arts major.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can speak English,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sinhala
and Tamil
fluently
. Last year, I worked in a large bookshop during my vacation and enjoyed it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much. I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and serve my position with dedication, commitment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

I enjoyed going to your museum a few months ago and I spent a considerable amount of time there.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
visited your museum shop with a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
team and
I am familiar with the types of items your store sells to visitors.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you will be kind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to consider me as a suitable candidate for this position.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and
further
discuss my candidacy for the job.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ama
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nikole
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS letter You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v. 5

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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