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You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v.4

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to apply for the part-time job at your City Museum shop in response to a job advert that was published in the Daily Observer on 27th March 2020. I am a third-year student at Lincon College and my major is history. We are currently on our summer break and I am hoping to gain some valuable work experience and would like to discuss my possible employment opportunity in your museum shop. Our college has declared a summer holiday from 1st June to 30th March 2020. I will be free during these days and would be able to work full-time or part-time as per your requirement. I worked in a local history Museum in my hometown for eight months in early 2018. In addition to that, I am quite good with computers and numbers. I believe I would be a great asset to your business. I am passionate about history and museums since my childhood. There is no Museum in this city that I haven't been to. I love your Museum as it has a wide variety of historical objects and abundant audio-visual library. I know how important the shop is in terms of selling antiques and collector's items to the visitors. I am positive that I can boost your sells. I believe that my enthusiasm for history and museum and relevant skills will make me a good candidate for this position. I am ready to discuss further in a formal interview at any time. Yours faithfully, Sandeep Parekh
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the part-time job at your City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
shop in response to a job advert that
was published
in the Daily Observer on 27th March 2020. I am a third-year student at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lincon
College and my major is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. We are
currently
on our summer
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
break and
I am hoping to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable work experience and would like to discuss my possible employment opportunity in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
shop.

Our college has declared a summer holiday from 1st June to 30th March 2020. I will be free during these days and would be able to work full-time or part-time as per your requirement.

I worked in a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in my hometown for eight months in early 2018.
In addition
to that, I am quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
with computers and numbers. I believe I would be a great asset to your business.

I am passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
since my childhood. There is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in this city that I haven't been to. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
as it has a wide variety of historical objects and abundant audio-visual library. I know how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
the shop is in terms of selling antiques and collector's items to the visitors.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
that I can boost your sells.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
believe that my enthusiasm for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
candidate for this position.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am ready to discuss
further
in a formal interview at any time.

Yours
faithfully
,

Sandeep
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parekh
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You have decided to apply for the job. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
254 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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