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You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. v.1

You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. v. 1
Dear Ms Margaret, I have decided to write this letter to inform you of a few personal ideas that I have about our college cafeteria. As a regular customer, I would like to take the opportunity to express my gratitude to the people behind this cafe and I also believe some improvements would make it even more attractive. I am hoping that you would publish my ideas in your college magazine. I personally feel that our college cafeteria has a great environment and offers delicious and healthy food. I appreciate the hard work of all the chefs and management for their attempt to serve meals to the students who are sometimes fussy and hard to please. The management is in fact, doing an excellent job. However, many students, including I, feel that the food served in the cafeteria is expensive. Our canteen charges $15-$20 for lunch and this is considerably higher. A few other college canteens in our city charges less than that. It appears that students will soon make an inevitable choice to eat outside the campus due to the high price. As an individual who would love to continue eating fantastic food at our central eatery, I would like to suggest you publish an article about this issue. I hope this will help the canteen management become aware of how we think about their food price. If you have any further questions about this, please let me know. Yours faithfully, Kay Lim
Dear Ms Margaret,

I have decided to write this letter to inform you of a few personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
that I have about our college cafeteria. As a regular customer, I would like to take the opportunity to express my gratitude to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
behind this
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
and I
also
believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it even more attractive. I am hoping that you would publish my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in your college magazine.

I
personally
feel that our college cafeteria has a great environment and offers delicious and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
appreciate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work of all the chefs and management for their attempt to serve meals to the students who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
fussy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
. The management is in fact, doing an excellent job.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students, including I, feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
served in the cafeteria is expensive. Our canteen charges $15-$20 for lunch and this is
considerably
higher. A few other college canteens in our city charges less than that.

It appears that students will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an inevitable choice to eat outside the campus due to the high price. As an individual who would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to continue eating fantastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at our central eatery, I would like to suggest you publish an article about this issue. I hope this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the canteen management become aware of how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
price.

If you have any
further
questions about this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know.

Yours
faithfully
,

Kay
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lim
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS letter You eat in your college cafeteria everyday lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. v. 1

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
243 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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