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You have recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. v.8

You have recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. v. 8
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you to complain about the Singer-MO3708G microwave oven that I purchased from your shop “kitchen corner” last month. I was excited to have purchased it but disappointed to find that it was poorly made and has manufacturing flaws. I am hoping you would either replace it or refund me the full amount. The main problem with the device is that its power system suddenly stops working. This must be a manufacturing fault. At first, I thought it was a connection problem of the power supply so I have it checked by a technician but it was not the case. Then I called your shop and talked to Mr Rex and he assured me that one of your technicians will visit my home within two days. To my utmost dismay, it has been 10 days since the conversation but no one from your shop showed up. The order number is 25254801 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt. I am looking for prompt actions from you as I have a valid warranty for the product. Please send someone to replace the faulty product or agree to refund the amount that I have paid for the device. I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you in advance. Yours faithfully, Shadia Rahman
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you to complain about the Singer-MO3708G microwave oven that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from your shop “kitchen corner” last month. I
was excited
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
disappointed to find that it was
poorly
made and has manufacturing flaws.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would either replace it or refund me the full amount.

The main problem with the device is that its power system
suddenly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
working. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a manufacturing fault. At
first
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
it was a connection problem of the power supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by a technician
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not the case. Then I called your shop and talked to Mr
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Rex and
he assured me that one of your technicians will visit my home within two days. To my utmost dismay, it has been 10 days since the conversation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one from your shop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
up. The order number is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
25254801 and
I am attaching a copy of my receipt.

I am looking for prompt actions from you as I have a valid warranty for the product.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
someone to replace the faulty product or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to refund the amount that I have paid for the device.

I hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Thank you in advance.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Shadia
Rahman
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You have recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. v. 8

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. v.8