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You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. v.2

You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the loan your bank disburses to aspiring students for a few affiliated courses. I am willing to take a part-time Microsoft Office course at Skill Tech and hoping that you would grant me a small loan. Please, let me take a minute to provide you with some details about me and my background. I hold a degree in Internal Auditing, and most of my works are based on computers. To date, I have conducted internal audits of many organizations ranging from small companies to large public companies. But still, I don’t have facile command in Microsoft Office as most of my previous clients used the alternative software. I came to know that your organization grants fund up to one thousand dollars to students who want to take such courses. I believe this course will greatly help me in my upcoming audit assignments and will make me stand out from the rest of my peers. My intention in writing this letter is to ask that you consider acknowledging a self-motivated individual who could make the most of your funds. I would, therefore, request you to grand me a loan of $1000 which I am willing to repay within the next year. Hoping to receive your supportive reply soon. Yours faithfully, Sameed Qureshi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inquire about the loan your bank disburses to aspiring students for a few affiliated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. I am willing to take a part-time Microsoft Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skill
Tech and hoping that you would grant me a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
loan.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me take a minute to provide you with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about me and my background. I hold a degree in Internal Auditing, and most of my works
are based
on computers. To date, I have conducted internal audits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations ranging from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to large public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
still
, I don’t have facile command in Microsoft Office as most of my previous clients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the alternative software. I came to know that your organization grants fund up to one thousand dollars to students who want to take such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. I believe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me in my upcoming audit assignments and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me stand out from the rest of my peers.

My intention in writing this letter is to ask that you consider acknowledging a self-motivated individual who could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of your funds. I would,
therefore
, request you to grand me a loan of $1000 which I am willing to repay within the
next
year.

Hoping to receive your supportive reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
Qureshi
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter You have learned that a financial organisation in your city gives money as a loan to students who like to take a part-time course. You are interested to do the course and have decided to take a loan. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
220 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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