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You booked a two-week holiday to Sydney with a tour agency. You are not happy with the holiday – the flight was delayed, the hotel was noisy, and so on. v.1

You booked a two-week holiday to Sydney with a tour agency. You are not happy with the holiday – the flight was delayed, the hotel was noisy, and so on. v. 1
Two months ago I booked a tour package from your agency and travelled to Sydney on 23rd July I was excited when I booked the tour but very disappointed to find that your agency did not keep its promises. I am hoping you will probe the issue and refund me $780 that I had to spent personally due to the mismanagement by your employees. In relation to the specifics of the package I opted in, I booked the exclusive two-week-long tour package to Sydney on May 12th and paid $2800 in cash. I am attaching a copy of my receipt and confirmation slip with this letter. The package includes a fortnight tour to Sydney inclusive of roundtrip flights, four-star hotel accommodation, tour guides, breakfasts, sightseeing tour and a few other recreational activities. The issue with the tour is that we did not get the services we were promised. The departure flight your agency booked were delayed for almost 3 hours and landed at a different airport than assured. On top of that, we were taken to a two-star hotel and the quality of its service was below standard. I did not pay for a two-star hotel and want an explanation of this mismanagement and false claim. As a solution, and because I do not want to start a legal fight if you are willing to take actions, I am hoping that you will agree to refund me $780 that I was forced to spend. If I do not hear back from you in regards to this within a week, I will be forced to take legal actions, which by all means I would like to avoid with your cooperation. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours faithfully, Wesley Phillip
Two months ago I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
from your agency and travelled to Sydney on 23rd July I
was excited
when I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disappointed to find that your agency did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
its promises. I am hoping you will probe the issue and refund me $780 that I had to spent
personally
due to the mismanagement by your employees.

In relation to the specifics of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
I opted in, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
the exclusive two-week-long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
to Sydney on May 12th and paid $2800 in cash. I am attaching a copy of my receipt and confirmation slip with this letter. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
package
includes a fortnight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
to Sydney inclusive of
Possible spelling mistake found.
roundtrip
flights, four-star hotel accommodation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
guides, breakfasts, sightseeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
and a few other recreational activities.

The issue with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tour
is that we did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the services we
were promised
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
departure flight your agency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
were delayed
for almost 3 hours and landed at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
airport than assured.
On top of that
, we
were taken
to a two-star hotel and the quality of its service was below standard. I did not pay for a two-star hotel and want an explanation of this mismanagement and false claim.

As a solution, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a legal fight if you are willing to take actions, I am hoping that you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to refund me $780 that I
was forced
to spend. If I do not hear back from you
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
this within a week, I will
be forced
to take legal actions, which by all means I would like to avoid with your cooperation.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Wesley Phillip
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You booked a two-week holiday to Sydney with a tour agency. You are not happy with the holiday – the flight was delayed, the hotel was noisy, and so on. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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