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You have just spent a weekend staying at a Hotel in London. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel. v.2

You have just spent a weekend staying at a Hotel in London. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently stayed at your London Hilton hotel on Park Lane and regrettably left my bag in the room I stayed in. I am writing to seek your assistance and help regarding this and I would really appreciate if you could courier it to my home address soon. I am Hubert Raymond, a senior executive at the Global management consulting firm McKinsey and had been to London for a business matter. I stayed at your hotel on 20th and 21st September in room 310. After I returned home in Cardiff on the evening of 21st September, I realised that I missed a bag at your hotel. The bag was probably placed in the cabinet beside the bed. It is a medium-size, leather made brown bag that has a large zipper on the top. It has two side pockets and the main zipper was locked. It contains a few dresses of mine, a diary, two fountain pens, a calculator, a PDA and a few important business documents. I really need my PDA and the documents for an upcoming presentation at my office. I would highly appreciate your cooperation in sending the bag to my home address which is stated at the top of the letter. I would bear the courier cost. Please use the 'Same Day Emergency Delivery' service of DHL. Thank you in advance for your kind cooperation. Yours faithfully, Hubert Raymond
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have recently stayed at your London Hilton hotel on Park Lane and
regrettably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
in the room I stayed in. I am writing to seek your assistance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
regarding this and I would
really
appreciate if you could courier it to my home address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am Hubert Raymond, a senior executive at the Global management consulting firm McKinsey and had been to London for a business matter.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
stayed at your hotel on 20th and 21st September in room 310. After I returned home in Cardiff on the evening of 21st September, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that I missed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
at your hotel.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
was
probably
placed in the cabinet beside the bed. It is a medium-size, leather made brown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
that has a large zipper on the top. It has two side pockets and the main zipper
was locked
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
It
contains a few dresses of mine, a diary, two fountain pens, a calculator, a PDA and a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
business documents. I
really
need my PDA and the documents for an upcoming presentation at my office.

I would
highly
appreciate your cooperation in sending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bag
to my home address which
is stated
at the top of the letter.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would bear the courier cost.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the 'Same Day Emergency Delivery' service of DHL.

Thank you in advance for your kind cooperation.

Yours
faithfully
,

Hubert Raymond
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You have just spent a weekend staying at a Hotel in London. When you get home you find that you have left a bag at the hotel. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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