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You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. v.3

You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. v. 3
Dear Sir/Madam, The purpose of inscribing this missive is to inquire about the availability of any vacant room to stay in the college hostel. I am facing many obstacles with my current accommodation arrangement and hoping that you would arrange a hostel room for me from the beginning of August 2019. I enrolled in ‘Master of Education’ in your college three months ago. I am an immigrant from India and before arriving here, I arranged to stay with a family through a private accommodation agency. Unfortunately, this accommodation is a stumbling stone in my studies because it is far from the college and consumes a great chunk of my time for the daily commute. Moreover, the food, which I think is not even palatable, costs me an arm and a leg. The current accommodation arrangement, bus fare and cleaning service are heavy in my pocket. Resultantly, I want to move into the college hostel due to multifarious benefits. Firstly, it will save me from the daily commute and I can devote my time to my studies. On top of that, I can share ideas with my classmates and socialize with them more frequently. Last but not least, I can enjoy healthy food and save some money. Hope you will consider my predicament and issue me a room from the beginning of August. Yours faithfully, Neha Sharma
Dear Sir/Madam,

The purpose of inscribing this missive is to inquire about the availability of any vacant room to stay in the college hostel. I am facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
arrangement and hoping that you would arrange a hostel room for me from the beginning of August 2019.

I enrolled in ‘Master of Education’ in your college three months ago.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am an immigrant from India and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving here, I arranged to stay with a family through a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
agency. Unfortunately, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
is a stumbling stone in my studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is far from the college and consumes a great chunk of my time for the daily commute.
Moreover
, the food, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is not even palatable, costs me an arm and a leg. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accommodation
arrangement, bus fare and cleaning service are heavy in my pocket.

Resultantly
, I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the college hostel due to multifarious benefits.
Firstly
, it will save me from the daily commute and I can devote my time to my studies.
On top of that
, I can share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with my classmates and socialize with them more
frequently
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, I can enjoy healthy food and save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money.

Hope you will consider my predicament and issue me a room from the beginning of August.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Neha
Sharma
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are a college student in an English speaking country. You share a rented apartment with others but want to move to the college accommodation instead. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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